How We Manage Our “Mixed Diet” Relationship

[UltraVid id=155 ]if you’ve been watching the show for a while you’ve probably noticed that we put titles under ourselves sometimes Duncan vegan and Liz not vegan and then we get asked how can this not be vegan she’s been doing this channel for over three years mm-hmm she’s been exposed to all this amazing food and then also educated about the cruelty behind the meat and dairy industry this his girlfriend still not vegan she annoys me she’s not funny clever or pretty enough to tolerate her animal murder leave that ignorant girl if she has not changed by now that’s me well that’s my wife you’re talking about there yeah but it’s one person in particular who’s been commenting for a while now the same comment on every one of our videos and yes is she vegan yet if she be did she begin yet is she begin yet not vegan you should get a lawyer cuz you should divorce her oh did she say that yeah we’re talking about you vegan Tina we wanted to get a little bit more info on vegan Tina so we’ve looked at her channel and it looks like she is an activist she’s got videos Oh make her an activist well it looks like it was taken with her phone so that she was present there okay she’s got these two videos of pigs in a transport truck chained up they’re not chained up they’re just stuffed in there yeah so that they can’t move they’re on their way to the slaughterhouse yeah so first off Tina I want to say thank you for capturing this and sharing it with people so that more people can be educated about the reality of the industry and second I totally understand where you’re coming from when I was getting into being vegan I immerse myself in images like this into the undercover footage and it made me very angry and also gave me a sense of urgency that I needed to do something about it to change it and so I can relate to where you’re coming from if that is where you’re coming from and understand why you would be frustrated with Liz not being vegan it’s technically accurate that liz is not vegan but it doesn’t tell the whole story mm-hmm so in my past relationships before was BL I was a pescetarian and I wanted my girlfriend’s to also be pescetarian but I pretended otherwise I wasn’t clear about that so I would kind of passive-aggressively stew silently if they were eating meat in front of me without really talking about it and it eventually led to a notebook falling off the table Dada Dada and some kind of fight so when Liz very mature I know that that’s what I’m getting to okay this thing so when you and I got together mm-hmm and I was really into you mhm and feeling like maybe this has a potential future the two of us I thought it might be wise to bring up the issue early this is maybe three months into the relationship yeah yeah and if we had kids not to be presumptuous anything yeah but if we were to be together and have kids yeah could the kids be vegan do you hear that conversation yeah yeah and what did you say I think I said I would be fine with raising them vegan but if they got to a certain age and they wanted to make the decision on their own then they should be free to do it right which is reasonable yeah we didn’t work it all out in that one conversation but it’s set the stage for an open channel mm-hmm so then when we moved in together about a year after that yeah we had the discussion about what non vegan foods would be okay in the house yeah we agreed that I could have um cheese or fish or eggs how did you feel about that I felt fine yeah yeah I mean obviously I had to rethink a lot of my go-to staple dishes and I normally made mm-hmm but wasn’t too difficult to get a chance to live with that goober with this goober yeah but I didn’t say anything about eating meat around me yeah right I whenever we went out to dinner I always tended to order something that we could both have so we could share food right but there was this one time that we got takeout from a ramen place dumpling the dumping place yeah do you want to watch the footage sure yeah so this is the pork dumpling incident we can just like scroll through it okay react to it are you nervous no it’s been a long day okay to baby showers today I woke up early I went rock climbing for two hours yeah Epictetus it II for the baby shower we like do another baby shower mm-hmm I know I look like a fascist you don’t at the end of it we were very hungry and I suggested dumplings dumplings and things which is the place I’ve come to the floor because it used to be new my old apartment well it’s got very exciting yeah we get in there I look at the menu and my first thought is maybe we should go somewhere else or I should go somewhere else because it’s it’s there’s only a couple veggie options I actually got somewhere else no we shouldn’t because I want to let you do what you want to do okay but I wasn’t really clear about that so we go up to the counter to order i order my stuff and then Liz orders what is that beeps ooh and important pork dumplings how are you feeling about the so far no it was a lot more emotional before we started rolling on this yeah we’ve kind of cooled down we should capture this yeah I don’t know if I’ll ever release it but we just captured this moment yeah there was another couple in the restaurant so I was talking really proudly and I looked at Liz and I said Liz what the how could you do this I feel silly talking about it now why don’t everybody like tell us story yeah until I use it as an example of how to work through something like this yeah but we haven’t worked through it Duncan still hates me I do understand you but this is also 28 years of my life and thinking that I’m changing and I’m doing just like fej sometimes you have slip-ups but you shouldn’t give it up right it doesn’t make you but I don’t feel like you’re doing it for any other reason other than to make me happy so now I can get along better what’s wrong with that why is that bad it’s not bad because I’m a fundamental level we don’t understand each other that’s not true I understand you if you really understood why I was vegan I feel like it would become more naturally to you in your own life no I fully understand it I just don’t see the world the same way that you do but I’m working on looking at it that way and that’s the kind of talk that makes me feel like I’m trying to brainwash you or lead a cult or something like that it’s not I think if I were to go back and be able to do this over I would just say you you know what I just realized I’m not comfortable with you eating meat around me yeah so let’s let’s finish this meal and you know talk it through mm-hmm rather than kind of being like [Laughter] I am going to walk home by myself so email I hope I am going to listen to the Cure echo and the Bunnymen do want to take myself too seriously sometimes sometimes yeah yeah everythink you already know that huh I don’t want to shame you into doing something right what I believe is right shaming I was trying to get you to see my side of things look I’ve got a little bit of vegan Tina in me in that when I see me I see those animals in the transport truck we’re not resolved anything from the beef stew incident let’s go get them beep now we thought that we were gonna resolve this conflict but it has just been torn open well baby you know I have a tendency to be hypercritical mm-hmm in my relationships and somewhat hypocritical too I get on the Liz about using her phone and then when she goes to sleep I’ll sneak mine out and like be on it for the next two hours at the same time I did discover my comfort level in this episode here with the beef stew mm-hmm I did finally discover I don’t want to be with somebody who eats meat in front of me and fortunately liz is super chill and rolled with it and thank you you’re for that yeah and it’s been it’s been over a year since you’ve had me yeah yeah yeah ish you had a dream about eating chicken wings right I have recurring dreams about eating fried chicken wing really yeah it happens a lot in my dreams so what does this mean not like a lot but like at least five dreams I’ve had in relation to eating chicken wings what are you feeling in the dream I’m just eating it mmm cuz you know you ate it on the bones and you just eat it and it was it’s like good and crispy and you got like the yummy meat and I’m like ah dang it now I’m back to day one of not eating meat if you were to eat chicken wings I wouldn’t freak out ah does this mean that you’re constantly craving chicken wings and I’m keeping you from that no not in my waking life I don’t ever think about them yeah in my dreams I think yeah will you cheat on me in your dreams too right yeah yeah so as you I we can’t help her dreams yeah exactly it doesn’t mean anything I cheat on you with a vegan version of you so really yeah it’s possible to be much it’s just me I’m gonna be yep you can make it happen babe would I prefer that Liz was 100% vegan yes but it’s really not a big deal since we made that agreement three years ago I took I cooked fish once in the house and you were like it’s so smooth really yeah you still bring start sardines in sometimes those are very stinky I haven’t seen cheese in this house no in over a year yeah I haven’t seen eggs in this house and maybe several months uh-huh are you still planning to buy eggs I bought them that one time when you were gone for like two weeks huh ah but I didn’t really want them by the end of it mm-hmm so for all intents and purposes 90% of what you eat maybe is vegan Yeah right so which is why we’ve tried to communicate that with some different labels like like cetera vegan ish mostly vegan yeah that seems to rustle more jimmies than just saying not vegan mm-hmm I understand why people are very hung up on labels and committing to a specific lifestyle of going completely vegan being an omnivore and being a mediator but I think one of the main reasons why we started this chair is that we didn’t want to say this is the lifestyle that you should have this is the way you should be living your life this is the way you should be eating your food this isn’t the way you should be cooking just if you are curious about being more plant-based then this is a way to do it and this is a way to make familiar recipes with vegan and see how they come out hmm I don’t want to ever have a channel that is an accepting of people who just are trying to be vegan one day a week or one meal a week mm-hmm I want to support everybody in trying to eat more plant-based nice thanks so what advice would you give to somebody who’s in a relationship and they’ve decided that they want to be vegan but their partner’s not interested mm-hmm well then you have to understand that you can’t make somebody eat a certain way or believe something that’s impossible you know what it was like before you were vegan you know what the mindset was but being a person who’s just gonna be in their face about it is just gonna put more damage on your relationship than it’s probably worth then you should let everybody figure it out on their own and you also need to figure out what you’re comfortable with like if you don’t wanna cook meat for them didn’t say you don’t want to cook meat for them and then they’ve they’re after you make their own food or you or yeah I suggest tricking them because people have bad associations with the word vegan mm-hm if you just don’t tell them it’ll probably be delicious I suggest subterfuge deception manipulation whatever it takes to get what you want right communication communication knowing who you are trying not to get bent out of shape about certain things liz is very good at that and that’s why we’re so good together and and and having that having somebody that I can speak honestly with in her not getting bent out of shape about it is so valuable and so worth whatever compromises I have to make it’s worth it honey let’s go get some pork dumplings Oh what you’re so over filming this video right now aren’t you dear Tickle Me I swear to God I’m over it bro i’ma jab you in the neck whoa yes oh yes let’s get back on mission here yeah I want to go get some ice cream yeah

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