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Emotional Intelligence – Understanding EQ with Daniel Goleman – Animated Book Review

So what’s the difference between intellectual intelligence and emotional intelligence now there are actually eight different intelligences that have been categorized but today we’re going to be looking at emotional intelligence specifically the book written by Daniel Goleman so why is emotional intelligence so important well you can tell the difference between a robotic person who knows a lot but they have very little emotions and a charismatic intellectual who seems to move a whole audience and you can also tell it in their bank account friends and loved lives as well in fact Daniel Goleman says that those who have just enough IQ to get into a decent university but have a stellar EQ are the ones who rake in the most cash so how can you develop your EQ and what can you do to cultivate it so there are five areas of growth you can work on to increase your EQ score developed by Daniel Goleman I’m going to go over some topics that revolve around them and how you can work on increasing your emotional intelligence today so the first is self-awareness the second is managing emotions the third is self motivation which personally this is an area I can work on the fourth is empathy and the fifth is handling relationships so the first big topic we’re going to go into today is called the ventilation fallacy so there’s a stereotypical thought in modern society that to get over your feelings or anger or something like that we must talk about them and this helps to some degree to cognitively think about your subconscious feelings but venting does not help yelling ranting typing up essays over bitterness flipping someone off cesspools of poison as a status update or any other foreign inventing method are according to Daniels theory wrong and technically make the situation worse see venting when you’re angry prolongs your feelings and doesn’t help stop them Goldman and many other studies have proven this I think venting when you’re sad is okay because it’s a great way to find out why you’re sad and thus you can make the changes you need to to not be sad anymore when you’re angry there’s usually not much cognitive thinking and it’s usually mostly just emotional lizard brain thinking that happens to cause problems down the road so try not to vent so the next topic we’re going to go over is to try not to ruminate over things instead try to find distractions so in high school I used to be very self-conscious about the things I’d say to other people like was I funny did I sound smart these meant a lot to me when I was in high school and I thought about them a lot eventually I started a new hobby I started weightlifting now this little hobby lasted for probably four to six months but I lifted good and almost every single day and this was a great distraction but it also built up my physical stature which physiologically made me more confident so I distracted my selves about what I would say by weightlifting it’s kind of hard to explain but my confidence increased and I didn’t worry about as much of what I said I know some people do with depression and negative thoughts every day in fact I dare to say lots of people do and there is a way around this because I’ve been there and I know the environments and thoughts and fears and pain they only sell feed and they grow and it’s hard to get out of so negative thoughts keep you in the negative mindset and just like the confirmation bias they will confirm your sad feelings according to the availability bias things that you ruminate on things that you’re constantly thinking about will stick around easier and they won’t go away on their own so you need to fill your head with new ideas instead get some hope by starting a business gain some confidence by working out do something physically active to distract your brain and raise it to a higher energy level it can be done you just have to have the motivation to do it which is also very important to emotional intelligence and like willpower can be strengthened over time so the next big topic is going to be self motivation so self motivation is obviously closely tied to goal power and you can cultivate it most of the time passion will drive you to do something so find that find something that you have passion in and you’ll likely have tons of self motivation for me at times it has been web development playing with lasers weightlifting and now it’s making awesome helpful videos so the important thing to this is you have to be very self aware you have to know what you can do to motivate yourself so I’m going to go into a little subcategory most people are motivated by one of four things they all start with in money mating momentum or mastering of course money is material things and gaining wealth mating is sexual or romantic desire and this helps if you want to lose weight weight lift or get in better shape momentum is basically freedom doing what you want where you want and always growing for me this channels momentum is huge I love waking up and seeing 300 new subscribers or a couple Facebook messages about how I have changed someone’s life it drives me to make more videos knowing I’m making a difference so many lives in the last is mastering which is basically status and being able to tell others you’re a great leader or you know how to program in eight programming languages or speak in fourteen or you’re an eighth degree blackbelt find what motivates you and use it to your advantage so if you’ve never heard of the marshmallow story I’m going to sum it up pretty quickly basically they take a whole bunch of little four-year-olds and they bring them into this room and they give them two options one they can eat a marshmallow right now or two they can wait until the researcher gets back and have two marshmallows and they actually videotape this study so they did after it probably 15 20 years they started and they went back to these people and they were trying to figure out that the people that waited and got the two marshmallows and they practice delayed gratification were they more successful what they found was that after graduation waiting having this ability to delay gratification was a better predictor than IQ of their SAT scores it is also a huge factor of emotional intelligence and future success so there’s also studies that say you can strengthen your willpower and your ability to delay gratification just like a muscle and also that it gets weak throughout the day and the more you use it also like a muscle so the next topic I’d like to go over is that emotions are contagious so there was this study where they took a volunteer with a high energy level that is they were super excited pumped up exuberant and they put him with another volunteer with a low energy level and as they were almost depressed and they sat them in a room for a couple minutes to talk but before they talk they filled out a form giving them a qualitative review of their moods a couple minutes later and magic happened they gave the form back to both people and what they realized was that most people didn’t stay the same energy level in fact in most cases the high energy level was transferred to the low energy person which means that if you’re in a slump or a rut and you can’t seem to get happy or be excited about life start hanging around people with lots of energy lots of Drive lots of people who are ambitious and happy about life because it’s contagious on the other hand if you see one of your friends in the dumps do them a favor and help them out start spending more time around them so the next topic is going to be empathy so empathy is the ability to feel and react to the emotions of others now this is a requirement for being a great leader and you must know what motivates other people and how to pick someone up effectively when they’re in a rut so knowing other people’s feelings especially if you know them better than they do will give you an edge and you’ll be perceived as highly intelligent in any field but the best advice I can give you is to talk to lots of people about their feelings on an emotional level and finding out how they tick so the last topic we’re going to talk about is managing relationships and this topic is kind of hard to go into in this video so if you want to check out my other videos also check out gary vaynerchuk’s videos he has some amazing videos on managing relationships and empathy go check them out and I hope you guys enjoyed this video and learn something from it if you did smash that like button below thank you for watching and subscribe for more amazing life-changing videos

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Emotional Intelligence – Why Your EQ Is More Important Than Your IQ

Hey this is Leo for actualised org and in this video we’re going to talk about emotional intelligence alright so emotional intelligence why is it important well first before we even get into that let’s say emotional intelligence is also defined as EQ kind of like you have IQ which is your intelligence quotients well here you also have EQ which is your emotional quotient so I’ll be saying interchangeably emotional intelligence sometimes other times I’ll be saying e Q to be compared to IQ alright so why is EQ important well what they’ve actually discovered after doing lots of research in the last really thirty years they’ve had so much research about what creates performance and success in business and in careers and what they really found is that people who are successful the number one factor is not IQ it’s not intelligence the number one factor is EQ it’s emotional intelligence it’s your ability to work with emotions that is what’s critical they’ve done so many studies in colleges and universities and in corporations across the country in the world that really document this and demonstrate this you think we would kind of commonly think that well if somebody is smart if they have a high IQ then that person can get a lot of stuff done and sometimes we even say that well he’s so smart he’s got he’s got like a really sharp mind he’s able to get stuff done that’s not actually very true people that are extremely smart technically speaking on the IQ scale if they have a very high IQ actually they tend to not produce that much they tend to be not that successful when your IQ gets like above 150 it does actually be counterproductive because you’re so much in your head all the time and you lose touch with the emotions and the emotions are what really create success in life because life is about relationships life is about being able to be in relationship with others and it’s also understanding yourself and being able to control and manage your own emotions so if you can do that if you can develop strong emotional intelligence then you are going to be successful and your relationships are going to be more successful you’re going to be happier there you’re just going to be happier alone by yourself naturally you’re going to have better control you’re going to be able to do things you’re going to be able to execute on the things you want to execute on because you’re gonna have the discipline in the wheel power and you’re not going to have those super high highs and those super slow lows in life you’re going to have a more even keeled trajectory through life and that tends to be what produces success and high performance so that’s ultimately why you should be interested in EQ now EQ we should clarify what it is and what it’s not let’s start by what it’s not a lot of people will assume that EQ talks about sociability and what emotional intelligence means is that you’re extroverted and that you’re confident and that you’re a people person and you’re very gregarious right we know those types of people that’s the cliche extrovert well that’s not what emotional intelligence is about emotional intelligence in fact is something that dovetails very nicely with introverts so for example I’m a very strong introvert but I also have a high emotional intelligence and this is something that actually measured through tests so I got I got tested for this and you know you can take assessments online and in both other places so the two are not opposed at all and the two are not synonymous being sociable and being emotionally intelligent is not necessarily synonymous so what is emotional intelligence said let’s really define it let’s break into it so here’s the definition that I got from a book called emotional intelligence 2.0 which I highly recommend you check out because they’ve got a very in-depth explanation with lots of examples and then they give you assessment so you can actually assess yourself and get scores which is which is nice so it’s not subjective it becomes very tangible so definition of emotional intelligence is and I’m reading this off the ability to recognize and understand your emotions in yourself and in others and your ability to use this awareness to manage your behavior and your relationships so that is e Q in a nutshell now there’s really four pillars I’m calling them four pillars of emotional intelligence and they were part of that definition if you notice pillar number one is your ability to understand your own emotions being able to label your emotions and just recognizing what you have and having a broader range of emotions so having more awareness there that’s pillar number one pillar number two is your ability to control your emotions because it’s one thing to just know your emotions what you’re feeling label it it’s a totally another matter to be able to manage it to be able to discipline yourself control yourself so you’re not having those those crashes and you’re not having those ecstatic Peaks but you’re somewhere in the middle and you’re even keeled that’s controlling your emotions pillar number two P low number three is your ability to read emotions and other people you might call this empathy it’s your ability to understand what other people are experiencing and feeling being able to relate to that using your mirror neurons you’re relating to that and you’re understanding their point of view it’s really the ability to step into somebody else’s shoes and look at life or a situation from their perspective that’s pillar number three and pillar number four is your ability to then manage your relationships so how smooth are your relationships going for you how well are you communicating and interacting within them that is also determined by your EQ so EQ consists of all these four pillars and actually in that book emotional intelligence 2.0 I took tests and I got tested I got I got a score for each one of those pillars so you might be stronger and you probably are definitely stronger in some of these four than you are in others so maybe for example you are really good at controlling your emotions but you’re not so good about managing your social relationships or maybe your you’re really good at identifying your emotions but then you can’t really control them and so you know you’re experiencing you can label it you’re self-aware you’re very conscious but then you’re just struggling to actually then practically manage that and channel it into your work or the habits that you’re trying to instill in your life like you’re working on your diet or your gym so you know you can have different levels and of course the idea is that the higher you are in each one of these the better because you want all of them maxed out ideally the more intelligent intelligence you have the better you’re going to do in life the happier you’re going to be so you want them to be maximally at 100 each one at 100 all right so those are the four pillars I’m sure you have a deeper understanding of what EQ is let’s also talk about how this actually relates to some of the stuff that happens in our life because it might still be a little bit abstract at this point it might be a little bit unclear as to how EQ can really help you and how it impacts you already because it’s already impacting what’s happening in your life in fact if you’re having struggle in relationships whether you’re intimate relationship or relationships at work with your boss with coworkers with employees then that’s a really big sign that you have trouble in at least one of these four pillars if not all of them so let’s talk about that so here’s a list of the things that EQ is controlling or is tied to these are some of the effects of EQ firstly is anger management are you able to manage your anger well if you are then you have high EQ if you’re not then you have low EQ probably because well you’re failing on those first two pillars you’re not very conscious about it about your feelings and secondly you’re not able to control them very well so that’s an example right there next is accountability how much accountability are you able to take on yourself rather than blaming other people that’s connected to EQ how about honesty and trust that one is connected tq2 how honest are you with yourself but then also how honest are you able to be in social situations without having to be pressured into into line or telling white lies or being distrustful of people so honesty and trust are big and those are really tied to EQ you’ve also got assertiveness and confidence these are big if you’re lacking in assertiveness and you’re lacking in confidence then you’re also lacking in emotional intelligence communication how good of a communicator are you can you communicate in your intimate relationship how about communicating at work if you’re not able to communicate effectively that shows a lack of emotional intelligence how about stress tolerance are you always stressed are you frantic are you anxious thinking negative thoughts always judging yourself feeling guilty well that is a sign that you don’t have very strong emotional intelligence you’re faltering on one of those four pillars how about decision making how strong are you of a decision-maker do you find yourself waffling all the time making a decision then going back and going forward and going back and going forward or not being able to decide between two things for a long time procrastinating this is a sign of low emotional intelligence how about flexibility how flexible are you do you flow with life are you able to handle the challenge in the situation that are coming up with life or are you very rigid and set in your ways and everything is bumping into you and causing all sorts of pain and suffering that’s a sign of low EQ how about presentation skills probably more related to work how well you able to give a presentation to speak to convince people to motivate people to inspire people especially if your manager this is very very applicable and good managers must have high EQ to be able to influence their employees in a you know effective way also the next point is listening skills how about listening skills how good of a listener are you are you able to really listen to what people are telling you are able to understand it to really empathize with it and are you able to then show them reflect back to them that you did understand do people think that you’re a good listener or do people think that you’re a poreless well if you’re a poor listener then that’s tied to low EQ so that is the list and I’m sure there’s more these are just some of the most obvious ways in which EQ connects to your life in all these different areas but of course it relates to your intimate relationships very much it also relates to how you’re doing at work how you’re talking to clients all of that it also relates very much to how peaceful and happy you feel just inside by yourself because if you’re always frantic and you’re always sad or depressed we’re having any of these kinds of negative emotions you’re angry all the time you’re guilty this shows a lack of emotional intelligence because you’re not recognizing them in yourself first and foremost but then you also don’t have tools and strategies for how to manage them and then you’re you’re expressing them and then it’s also impacting your relationships out in the real world so it affects you and it affects the world so that’s you can you can see how powerful this idea is and how many aspects of your life it affects it literally the tentacles from EQ literally spread into almost every single aspect of your life this is why this idea is so so so important so now we know what EQ is we really defined it I think you have a good strong sense of how it relates to your life with all these examples the question now is how do you go about developing it or even can you develop it what can you do about this what if you happen to be low in one of these areas what if you don’t really have a strong sense of your emotions what if you don’t have good control what if you can empathize what if you are a bad communicator or bad in relationships how do you manage that well the good news is that more so than IQ EQ is highly developable that means you can develop it you can work on it it takes time it doesn’t happen overnight it’s not a week-long process it will take you months to do this but you can work in pinpointed ways on those exact deficiencies that you have in each one of these four pillars you can do things to retrain your mind to think in new ways to make new distinctions to understand new thing and to put new communication skills into place so that these things are brought up to to the maximum and that’s work that you can do I actually do a lot of that work through coaching a lot of the videos that I share with you guys although I don’t explicitly say that this is about EQ or emotional intelligence ultimately this is what actualize that org is about we’re helping you understand emotions we’ll help you understand your psychology and psychology is very emotion Laden and then we’re helping you understand how to master them through all these different techniques so for example something like meditation or something like journaling could be a technique that you can use to reduce your stress or to build more understanding of your emotions something like coaching is something you can use to understand your emotions better reading books and understand about this stuff can help you understand your emotions better then going out there actually practicing some of this stuff so there’s a lot of different like practical techniques that you can use and you should use to actually go out and work on each one of these pillars I don’t really have time to go into them it’s such a deep topic there’s literally hundreds of them so I can’t cover them all I’m going to have other videos that cover how to work probably on each one of these pillars and share more of these techniques with you but this video the purpose was just to show you that this is out there get you to start to understand that emotional intelligence is important and then hopefully give you a sense of this is something that you should care about and you should probably have a sense right now whether you are lacking in one of these four pillars or in all of them do you think you have low EQ or high EQ well now you probably now have a better sense although you can go out there to actually get it tested objectively through some of these surveys that they have in books and online which I highly encourage you to do but ultimately now you’ve got a sense of this and now get a little bit more body in to this idea that emotions are important self-control is important it’s all connected to your success in life alright this is Leo I would be signing off this is what I have to say about EQ go ahead leave me your comments please like this and share this I want to spread the message and of course check out actualized org because we have an awesome newsletter there that I want you to subscribe to it’s free free weekly updates with new video articles other goodies and really you want to be signing up because you’re getting you’re getting more information about how to develop self-awareness how to interact with the people how to understand your psychology and the psychology of others because once you understand yours and the psychology of others and you have some techniques for how to manage your psychology well then everything starts clicking for you and your eye your EQ raises and then you can accomplish amazing things so sign up we got some free bonuses there and new updates every week you