How Vegans Can Create Healthy Relationships and Communicate Effectively | By Melanie Joy

[UltraVid id=218 ]Many vegans find that it`s difficult or impossible to feel connected with the non-vegans in their lives and to communicate about veganism in a way that doesn`t cause cause conflict. Often, too, vegans have trouble relating and communicating with each other when they disagree with each other`s ideas. In this new presentation, psychologist Dr. Melanie Joy explains the principles and tools for creating healthy, connected relationships, and she gives tips on how to talk about even the most challenging issues productively.

## About Melanie Joy ##

Dr. Melanie Joy is a psychologist, international speaker, organizational consultant, trainer, and the author of “Why We Love Dogs, Eat Pigs, and Wear Cows”, “Strategic Action for Animals”, and the forthcoming book “Beyond Beliefs: A Guide for Vegans, Vegetarians, and Meat Eaters in Relationships.”. Dr. Joy specializes in strategic vegan advocacy, effective communication, organizational dynamics and leadership, the psychology of social transformation, and activist sustainability. Dr. Joy is the eighth recipient of the Ahimsa Award – previously given to the Dalai Lama and Nelson Mandela – for her work on global nonviolence, as well as the Empty Cages Prize – previously given to Tom Regan – for her contribution to furthering the cause of animal rights. She is also the founder and president of Beyond Carnism and the co founder and co director of the Center for Effective Vegan Advocacy.


Communication Tips: Why Gossip Is Toxic

[UltraVid id=199 ]: Why Gossip Is Toxic

Gossip in the workplace, at school… complaining about your coworkers, your boss, or anyone isn’t likely to make you look powerful or responsible. It’s likely to diminish other peoples’ opinion of you, and get in your way as you strive for your goals.

Here’s why alcohol can make gossip even worse: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZLu8Qh-VrL0

“Ohhhhh, girl. Did you hear about Laura and Kevin? And what she said to his mom? And what he did after that?”

“YES! I couldn’t believe it. Could NOT. Of all people — I would never have seen that coming!”

Gossip is toxic. You know it, I know it, the person sitting two tables over eavesdropping knows it. It sets negativity in motion and, if we’re not careful, attracts more of the same. Gossip hurts you, it hurts the friend you’re gossiping with, it hurts the people you’re talking about.
Even when your gossip is ‘legitimate’, even when you have a right to feel scandalized or hurt by someone’s behavior …

You might be right about your feelings, but that ‘rightness’ isn’t helping you get what you want.

Instead, commit to talking about what you want and how you’re going to make it happen.

Alexa Fischer is an LA-based actress and career coach, teaching others the skills to reach their goals in business and life. She offers private coaching to creative people around the world, and is also available for lectures and presentations for business and organizations.

We just love to do it we do we can’t help ourselves we love to sit around we do I don’t know what that is but like activates something in us but the question is what is it really doing to us you see when we are gossiping it’s predicated on this idea that we don’t want somebody to hear what we’re talking about so in essence it’s not nice right it’s not in the camp that’s full of positive inspiring you know good things right it’s in that sort of this kind of thing now the problem is is that our words have power there is a momentum that is created when you are focusing on that which you don’t like and it in a way attracts that to you so if you find yourself spending a good deal of time or even a little bit of time in that gossip place I am Telling You you are getting nothing it is hurting you in addition to hurting the other person so while I do not want to sound like a Miss goody two-shoes pants I am telling you gossip can be a very destructive thing why it’s not getting you what you want it’s not you may be right about your feelings but that rightness isn’t helping you get what you want it’s not attracting the good things because what you focus on you create I’m gonna say that again what you focus on you create so if you are bitching around the water cooler about such-and-such doing blah blah blah and I can’t believe that and it’s so unfair guess what you are literally creating a life of unfairness it doesn’t matter what’s going on that is eliciting that response let it go on around you but what do you want start talking about that what things do you want to create in your life how do you want to feel what do you think is possible this whole thing that I’ve created here was based on the idea of I would love to do this would be unbelievable and if I had listened to all them you can’t do it well my money’s over how you making money I would never be here so tune that stuff out watch what’s happening on with your mouth and really set your intention to the good stuff because when you do unbelievable things happen life is too short to gossip so train yourself to not participate


How to Ruin Your Relationship – Ultra Spiritual Life

[UltraVid id=157 ]Deep down inside you know your relationship is gonna die someday so the last thing you want to do is waste your time and energy by trying to make it work so we’re gonna help you by teaching you how you can ruin your relationship much quicker you want to stop somewhere and get something to eat are you hungry are you mad at me no use the silent treatment when you’re angry instead of foolishly discussing what you’re upset about you’ll get better results by becoming withdrawn and silent using the silent treatment also makes it easier for you to deny that you’re mad thus further punishing your partner by treating them like they’re crazy because they see your anger that you’re pretending isn’t there I think you should work out a bit more you come to CrossFit with me every day we can be one of those Power couples once you’re a bit fitter always try to change your partner the best way for you to get the partner of your dreams is to try and change your current partner into becoming your dream partner they should be grateful for you because the more you try to change them the more they improve as a person you know Sarah hasn’t been returning any of my calls maybe you should text her or you could probably buy her some chocolates maybe you should just apologize Stuart never listen to your partner’s problems only try to fix them when your partner has a problem your job is to fix them the last thing you ever want to do is just listen that makes you useless and it keeps them flawed I think your butt makes those pants look big insert body image questions honestly honesty is the currency of intimacy you drive me crazy like you make me angry like I’m pissed off Oh always blame your partner when you’re upset the pinnacle of maturity is having the mental acuity to recognize how it’s someone else’s fault when you’re upset you pointing out to them that they did something wrong to make your body generate emotions you’re feeling probably instills enough shame in them that they’ll never do it again but like you don’t know never tell your partner what you want expect them to know what you want your partner always knows what you want the question is are they gonna be a terrible person by acting like they don’t while they cite fictional excuses like I can’t read your mind and I’m not telepathic I’m going to visit my parents but it would make me so much happier if you stayed you want to stay don’t you yes I knew it your partner’s happiness is your responsibility god only knows you’re not capable of making yourself happy that’s why it’s your partner’s responsibility the more they sacrifice their desires to better meet your needs the more you get a happy life I can honestly say from the bottom of my heart I despise you I think we should have a baby have kids to try to save your relationship because you’re not capable of handling each other’s lives obligating yourselves to handle a new life that’s completely dependent on you it’s good sense and how do you feel about that I think it’s good such a nice day out isn’t it never talk about your feelings because only weak people and small children have feelings the last thing you’ll ever want to do is talk about your feelings with your partner this says that unconditional love can’t possibly be contained to just one person that’s so true and so spiritual practice the art of having an open relationship I have so much love inside of me that I can’t possibly contain it to just one woman not only does an open relationship give me unspeakable freedom but it’s also just the way men are biologically wired and it’s great for women to wait I thought you were ok with me just sleeping with other women I enjoyed frolicking with other people too what I can’t believe you do that I’m out of here we’re over don’t forget all your stupid purple shirts that went well and be sure to subscribe to my channel for more wisdom


Vegan Dating and Relationships – Cory McCarthy –

[UltraVid id=156 ]fear formidable and fantastic hey everyone it’s Cory McCarthy and welcome to a new episode this is gonna be an off the path type of topic for me but one of my viewers recently asked me for dating advice for vegans this individual specifically addressed how weird most people perceive veganism and the limited size of the vegan dating pool I thought it would be a fun topic to hit up a nice change if you will besides for most people living a fantastic life includes a fulfilling love life so it fits my motto of fit formidable and fantastic I do want to preface that I am no fucking Casanova or a relationships expert but I have my own experience as and more importantly I am capable of logical thought so I will give my best advice on this matter so just take it for what it is my advice first let’s look at the stats as of 2014 at least in the u.s. 79 percent of vegans were female on the surface this appears to be good news for single vegan men who only desire to date vegan women but you also need to factor in sexual orientation and relationship statuses of the 79 percent of women some will inevitably be homosexual others will currently be involved and possibly even married and the same goes for the men which make up the remaining 21% then we need a factoring desirability of those remaining men and women how many would make a quality partner ultimately this is a relative assessment as different people will find different traits to be desirable and finally location where are all of these single and desirable vegans in relation to you some places are still essentially vegan wastelands where you’d have a better chance of spotting a white buffalo than finding another vegan according to happy cow the top 5 cities were vegans in the world are Berlin New York City Portland Oregon San Francisco and London the runner-up cities were Los Angeles Xian Mei Chang Mei in Thailand I hope pronouncing that properly I’m probably butchering that Singapore Toronto in type nonetheless if you’re a vegan guy you’ve certainly got a larger selection of women to choose from in general and likely if you’re a quality vegan guy you will have more women receptive to you within the vegan populace so unfortunately vegan ladies it might be a bit of a challenge for you so what is my best advice given all of this if you’re adamant that you will only date other vegans will first give vegan dating services ago sweeping your current and nearby metropolitan areas for singles a quick Google search will turn up some tips and services for vegans at your disposal you can also check on social media like Facebook for our vegan singles groups or vegan meetup groups in your area here in New York City where I live we have a group called vegans of New York on Facebook that is and while I have yet to attend one of their social events they do offer them regularly perhaps there is one for your neck of the woods or you know something similar another possibility is to get active in your local vegan community or the nearest one to you attend protests or demonstrations and while the core purpose of these isn’t to hook up and don’t be a creep and go there with that intention but you will inevitably meet other vegans and who knows you might simply click with one or more of them and if your area is that dry on vegans perhaps consider relocating if that’s the possibility for you recall the list of top vegan cities that I had stated earlier and don’t reject the possibility of meeting someone online I mean why limit yourself to your neighborhood when there is a whole world of opportunities out there especially in this electronic age the perfect vegan partner for you might be in another city or country so again use social media and other technology to your advantage and when you are presented with an opportunity in any way don’t be afraid to let your interest be known as the old saying goes if you never ask you’ll never know finally if all else fails and you are willing to be flexible you could consider dating a vegetarian where the gender figures are more equalized at 59% women in four 1% men and who knows she may under converting them to veganism by example they are almost there arguably that said I am NOT suggesting anyone settle I personally would rather be alone than lower my own expectations even slightly but that’s just me so I’m still putting that vegetarian suggestion out there and don’t worry about people considering you weird for your lifestyle choices if the behavior and habits of the average person is any concept of what is considered normal then I am fucking proud to be a weird vegan so follow what you feel and know to be right even if that makes you a pioneer in a sense if we all just follow the status quo afraid to make any waves despite knowing that something is wrong that there would never be positive change or progress in this world so keep your heads up and let the haters hate likely they hate out of fear whether they can admit to it or not possibly a fear of change even anyhow please stir up comments and dialogue below and offer some advice and tips that may have worked for you and perhaps even some that I have been considered who knows maybe your special vegan someone might be watching this video right now people meet through so many different avenues also please like and share this video so maybe it can help someone else and subscribe to my channel for updates on content otherwise I’m wishing you all the best in your respective searches for love and happiness in life get your vegan protein shake recipes free today discover how to optimize protein combining for vegan bodybuilding shakes includes to science back formulas that you can buy online or mix yourself proven to help build muscle as fastest way go to WWE faster vegan calm & download now link is in the description below


How We Manage Our “Mixed Diet” Relationship

[UltraVid id=155 ]if you’ve been watching the show for a while you’ve probably noticed that we put titles under ourselves sometimes Duncan vegan and Liz not vegan and then we get asked how can this not be vegan she’s been doing this channel for over three years mm-hmm she’s been exposed to all this amazing food and then also educated about the cruelty behind the meat and dairy industry this his girlfriend still not vegan she annoys me she’s not funny clever or pretty enough to tolerate her animal murder leave that ignorant girl if she has not changed by now that’s me well that’s my wife you’re talking about there yeah but it’s one person in particular who’s been commenting for a while now the same comment on every one of our videos and yes is she vegan yet if she be did she begin yet is she begin yet not vegan you should get a lawyer cuz you should divorce her oh did she say that yeah we’re talking about you vegan Tina we wanted to get a little bit more info on vegan Tina so we’ve looked at her channel and it looks like she is an activist she’s got videos Oh make her an activist well it looks like it was taken with her phone so that she was present there okay she’s got these two videos of pigs in a transport truck chained up they’re not chained up they’re just stuffed in there yeah so that they can’t move they’re on their way to the slaughterhouse yeah so first off Tina I want to say thank you for capturing this and sharing it with people so that more people can be educated about the reality of the industry and second I totally understand where you’re coming from when I was getting into being vegan I immerse myself in images like this into the undercover footage and it made me very angry and also gave me a sense of urgency that I needed to do something about it to change it and so I can relate to where you’re coming from if that is where you’re coming from and understand why you would be frustrated with Liz not being vegan it’s technically accurate that liz is not vegan but it doesn’t tell the whole story mm-hmm so in my past relationships before was BL I was a pescetarian and I wanted my girlfriend’s to also be pescetarian but I pretended otherwise I wasn’t clear about that so I would kind of passive-aggressively stew silently if they were eating meat in front of me without really talking about it and it eventually led to a notebook falling off the table Dada Dada and some kind of fight so when Liz very mature I know that that’s what I’m getting to okay this thing so when you and I got together mm-hmm and I was really into you mhm and feeling like maybe this has a potential future the two of us I thought it might be wise to bring up the issue early this is maybe three months into the relationship yeah yeah and if we had kids not to be presumptuous anything yeah but if we were to be together and have kids yeah could the kids be vegan do you hear that conversation yeah yeah and what did you say I think I said I would be fine with raising them vegan but if they got to a certain age and they wanted to make the decision on their own then they should be free to do it right which is reasonable yeah we didn’t work it all out in that one conversation but it’s set the stage for an open channel mm-hmm so then when we moved in together about a year after that yeah we had the discussion about what non vegan foods would be okay in the house yeah we agreed that I could have um cheese or fish or eggs how did you feel about that I felt fine yeah yeah I mean obviously I had to rethink a lot of my go-to staple dishes and I normally made mm-hmm but wasn’t too difficult to get a chance to live with that goober with this goober yeah but I didn’t say anything about eating meat around me yeah right I whenever we went out to dinner I always tended to order something that we could both have so we could share food right but there was this one time that we got takeout from a ramen place dumpling the dumping place yeah do you want to watch the footage sure yeah so this is the pork dumpling incident we can just like scroll through it okay react to it are you nervous no it’s been a long day okay to baby showers today I woke up early I went rock climbing for two hours yeah Epictetus it II for the baby shower we like do another baby shower mm-hmm I know I look like a fascist you don’t at the end of it we were very hungry and I suggested dumplings dumplings and things which is the place I’ve come to the floor because it used to be new my old apartment well it’s got very exciting yeah we get in there I look at the menu and my first thought is maybe we should go somewhere else or I should go somewhere else because it’s it’s there’s only a couple veggie options I actually got somewhere else no we shouldn’t because I want to let you do what you want to do okay but I wasn’t really clear about that so we go up to the counter to order i order my stuff and then Liz orders what is that beeps ooh and important pork dumplings how are you feeling about the so far no it was a lot more emotional before we started rolling on this yeah we’ve kind of cooled down we should capture this yeah I don’t know if I’ll ever release it but we just captured this moment yeah there was another couple in the restaurant so I was talking really proudly and I looked at Liz and I said Liz what the how could you do this I feel silly talking about it now why don’t everybody like tell us story yeah until I use it as an example of how to work through something like this yeah but we haven’t worked through it Duncan still hates me I do understand you but this is also 28 years of my life and thinking that I’m changing and I’m doing just like fej sometimes you have slip-ups but you shouldn’t give it up right it doesn’t make you but I don’t feel like you’re doing it for any other reason other than to make me happy so now I can get along better what’s wrong with that why is that bad it’s not bad because I’m a fundamental level we don’t understand each other that’s not true I understand you if you really understood why I was vegan I feel like it would become more naturally to you in your own life no I fully understand it I just don’t see the world the same way that you do but I’m working on looking at it that way and that’s the kind of talk that makes me feel like I’m trying to brainwash you or lead a cult or something like that it’s not I think if I were to go back and be able to do this over I would just say you you know what I just realized I’m not comfortable with you eating meat around me yeah so let’s let’s finish this meal and you know talk it through mm-hmm rather than kind of being like [Laughter] I am going to walk home by myself so email I hope I am going to listen to the Cure echo and the Bunnymen do want to take myself too seriously sometimes sometimes yeah yeah everythink you already know that huh I don’t want to shame you into doing something right what I believe is right shaming I was trying to get you to see my side of things look I’ve got a little bit of vegan Tina in me in that when I see me I see those animals in the transport truck we’re not resolved anything from the beef stew incident let’s go get them beep now we thought that we were gonna resolve this conflict but it has just been torn open well baby you know I have a tendency to be hypercritical mm-hmm in my relationships and somewhat hypocritical too I get on the Liz about using her phone and then when she goes to sleep I’ll sneak mine out and like be on it for the next two hours at the same time I did discover my comfort level in this episode here with the beef stew mm-hmm I did finally discover I don’t want to be with somebody who eats meat in front of me and fortunately liz is super chill and rolled with it and thank you you’re for that yeah and it’s been it’s been over a year since you’ve had me yeah yeah yeah ish you had a dream about eating chicken wings right I have recurring dreams about eating fried chicken wing really yeah it happens a lot in my dreams so what does this mean not like a lot but like at least five dreams I’ve had in relation to eating chicken wings what are you feeling in the dream I’m just eating it mmm cuz you know you ate it on the bones and you just eat it and it was it’s like good and crispy and you got like the yummy meat and I’m like ah dang it now I’m back to day one of not eating meat if you were to eat chicken wings I wouldn’t freak out ah does this mean that you’re constantly craving chicken wings and I’m keeping you from that no not in my waking life I don’t ever think about them yeah in my dreams I think yeah will you cheat on me in your dreams too right yeah yeah so as you I we can’t help her dreams yeah exactly it doesn’t mean anything I cheat on you with a vegan version of you so really yeah it’s possible to be much it’s just me I’m gonna be yep you can make it happen babe would I prefer that Liz was 100% vegan yes but it’s really not a big deal since we made that agreement three years ago I took I cooked fish once in the house and you were like it’s so smooth really yeah you still bring start sardines in sometimes those are very stinky I haven’t seen cheese in this house no in over a year yeah I haven’t seen eggs in this house and maybe several months uh-huh are you still planning to buy eggs I bought them that one time when you were gone for like two weeks huh ah but I didn’t really want them by the end of it mm-hmm so for all intents and purposes 90% of what you eat maybe is vegan Yeah right so which is why we’ve tried to communicate that with some different labels like like cetera vegan ish mostly vegan yeah that seems to rustle more jimmies than just saying not vegan mm-hmm I understand why people are very hung up on labels and committing to a specific lifestyle of going completely vegan being an omnivore and being a mediator but I think one of the main reasons why we started this chair is that we didn’t want to say this is the lifestyle that you should have this is the way you should be living your life this is the way you should be eating your food this isn’t the way you should be cooking just if you are curious about being more plant-based then this is a way to do it and this is a way to make familiar recipes with vegan and see how they come out hmm I don’t want to ever have a channel that is an accepting of people who just are trying to be vegan one day a week or one meal a week mm-hmm I want to support everybody in trying to eat more plant-based nice thanks so what advice would you give to somebody who’s in a relationship and they’ve decided that they want to be vegan but their partner’s not interested mm-hmm well then you have to understand that you can’t make somebody eat a certain way or believe something that’s impossible you know what it was like before you were vegan you know what the mindset was but being a person who’s just gonna be in their face about it is just gonna put more damage on your relationship than it’s probably worth then you should let everybody figure it out on their own and you also need to figure out what you’re comfortable with like if you don’t wanna cook meat for them didn’t say you don’t want to cook meat for them and then they’ve they’re after you make their own food or you or yeah I suggest tricking them because people have bad associations with the word vegan mm-hm if you just don’t tell them it’ll probably be delicious I suggest subterfuge deception manipulation whatever it takes to get what you want right communication communication knowing who you are trying not to get bent out of shape about certain things liz is very good at that and that’s why we’re so good together and and and having that having somebody that I can speak honestly with in her not getting bent out of shape about it is so valuable and so worth whatever compromises I have to make it’s worth it honey let’s go get some pork dumplings Oh what you’re so over filming this video right now aren’t you dear Tickle Me I swear to God I’m over it bro i’ma jab you in the neck whoa yes oh yes let’s get back on mission here yeah I want to go get some ice cream yeah